I went back and worked on it again at age 14ish. I had learned a lot about writing, especially beginnings. I pretty much deleted and re-wrote my first 5k.
As I've been re-working my novel for the third time, I've had a hard time knowing where to start. I took over 4500 words worth of notes about how my characters were flat, my setting uninspired, and my plot lacking and it all seemed so overwhelming. Finally I decided I had several scenes that were beyond salvaging. I started with the chapter where my beginning re-writes had stopped. It was bad. The next chapter was too. I continued reading until I arrived at a place where I was actually happy with my novel. I deleted everything in between.
Suddenly, my word count plummeted from 57K, (which I already knew was short) to 41K. I started to panic. I hid away from my book for a week, wasting time on trifling things like Pinterest and School.
I read all of Ally Carter's latest book, United We Spy. I starting reading a Donald Maass book I got back in June. Reading that good work of fiction and a good instruction manual on how to write fiction, I got even more frustrated. I hated my book. I would never amount to anything worthy of publication. I would certainly never be labeled a "good" writer. My book stunk, my characters were thinner than tissue paper. I was a bad writer.
Despite the fact that I wrote almost 3K over the weekend, I'm still not happy with my books, my ideas, or my characters. My writing and I are barely on speaking terms. I kind of want to curl up in a hole with my kindle and forget Microsoft Word ever existed.
What do you do to combat these feelings of unworthiness? This has never happened to me before. Does the fear go away? Please tell me it goes away.
Thanks for reading.